Strange
by heyjupiter
Summary: Songfic. Mystique comes to a decision about her relationship with Magneto.


Strange   
by heyjupiter/Renata of Doom (renata@frowl.org) 7/4/03   
Summary: Mystique comes to a decision about her relationship with Magneto. Songfic.   
PG   
Movieverse (with vague tinges of comicverse background info), post-X2   
Archive: Sure, just let me know. renata@frowl.org   
Note: Thanks again to Kait for beta reading. I'm thinking this might eventually be part of a series of X2 songfics from Tori Amos' album _Scarlet's Walk_, but thus far the only other one is "Withered".   
(Lyrics are "Strange" by Tori Amos.)   
  
She had always admired his ruthlessness, his determination. It was one of the things that had drawn her to him. He, too, knew the pain of being shunned for one's heritage. And unlike the X-Men, Erik had seen that their kind would never be accepted by humanity, that a war was coming. They had both experienced the cruelty humanity was capable of at an early age. And yet... sometimes she wasn't sure. At Alkali Lake, he had nearly killed every human on Earth. And she had helped. She was not yet sure if she was glad the plan had failed. _   
  
Strange  
Thought I knew you well  
Thought I had read the sky  
Thought I had read a change  
In your eyes  
  
_ She wasn't sure how many mutants there were-- they were a minority, yes, but by how much? How many humans would they have killed? 5 billion, perhaps? It was something she had contemplated, lying awake in the bed they shared. Mystique had no qualms about murder. She wasn't sure about genocide, though. And yet... how many humans would have mourned if Stryker had succeeded in his plan? She thought back to one human in particular. A German count, unattractive but quite wealthy. He couldn't believe his luck when he attracted the beautiful woman Mystique had been at the time. As for Mystique, well, she could tolerate him well enough, but she had mostly loved his money. Too, she had loved the opportunity it had given her to be someone... normal. Someone respected even.   
  
Until... until she had given birth to that strange blue boy. The love (or at least lust) that had once been in the count's eyes had changed so quickly to hatred...   
  
_ So strange  
woke up to a world  
that I am   
not a part  
except when I can  
play it's strange  
  
_ She had tried not to care, knowing that the child would only make life harder for her on the run. So she had dumped in him in a river, changed into yet another new body and with it another new life. Over the years, she had almost convinced herself that she didn't care whether he had lived or died.   
  
Almost.   
  
But when... when she had seen him that night with the X-Men, it had all come back. She remembered talking to him, his timid questions about her powers.   
  
She had never told Erik about her son, but he had guessed. He could be terribly perceptive when he wanted to be. She sighed, remembering when he had asked her to try to recruit him for the Brotherhood.   
  
And she had tried. Breaking into Xavier's mansion had not been hard-- the X-Men apparently hadn't learned their lesson the last time. Nor was finding Nightcrawler difficult-- disguised as one of the students, she had ascertained quickly that he had been spending much of his time hiding in his room. She dropped in on him in the guise of Storm... she had seen the way they looked at each other. As Storm, she had told him she had news for him. About his mother. He had been so eager for information, and so startled when she had morphed and said, "I am your mother." (If he had seen _Star Wars_, she mused, he might have been more amused by this revelation.) She had been expecting rejection, revulsion, hatred-- after all, she had left him to die as an infant, and was now one of his nemeses. But he had cried, and forgiven her, and in his broken English asked "Why..."   
  
Whether he had been going to ask why she had left him or why she had come back or something else, she never found out; she interrupted him and said "Come with me. Come home. We can... be a family." Though she told herself she was only telling him what he wanted to hear... for a fraction of a second, she had meant it. And then her heart snapped closed again, when he asked her softly. "To the Brotherhood? Und... Magneto?"   
  
She had nodded.   
  
"In that case... I already am home. Goodbye, mother. I will... I will pray for you." And then he had vanished, leaving behind a puff of acrid smoke.   
  
She had related this to Erik, and he had scolded her for not trying hard enough. "Think how **useful** he would be, darling! Couldn't you try again?"   
  
Sometimes she wondered if that was all he considered her-- useful.   
  
_ After all what were you  
really looking for and I wonder  
When will I learn  
Blue isn't red  
Everybody knows this  
and I wonder  
when will I learn   
when will I learn  
_   
  
She was surprised at how much it hurt when she considered that Erik might not love her. Mystique had never been sentimental, and her relationship with him had begun as something merely convenient. But she had so quickly become attached to this man, this beautiful, determined, hurt, brilliant, hate-filled man who thought she was most beautiful when she was blue.   
  
_ Guess I was in  
Deeper than I thought I was  
if I have enough love  
for the both of us  
_   
  
More attached, in fact, than she was comfortable with being. Caring about things made you vulnerable, made it easy for you to be hurt. Mystique preferred to be the one doing the hurting.   
  
She had thought that that was the way her relationship with Erik would be, but she had underestimated him. He, too, had learned lessons about caring for others-- from his family, lost in the camps, and from Magda, who had hurt him so long ago.   
  
She had also underestimated the power of his persuasiveness, and soon found herself utterly drawn in by his anti-human rhetoric. It had, after all, fitted nicely with her own outlook on life-- humans hurt her, so she needed to hurt them.   
  
_ "just stay"  
you said  
"we'll build a nest"  
so I left my   
Life tried on your  
friends tried on your  
Opinions   
  
_ She was not a fool, she had long ago realized that he would be willing to sacrifice her in his war, if necessary. She was useful to him, yes; but so had been Toad and Sabretooth, and he did not seem the least bit concerned about their welfare now that their purpose had been fulfilled. And she remembered all too well how willing he had been to kill the child Rogue, despite his talk of mutant solidarity. Mystique was pragmatic. She understood that sacrifices must be made in a war. However, she did not consider herself expendable, and he did.   
  
This was a problem.   
  
_ When the bridges froze and you  
Did not come home  
I put our snowflake  
under a microscope  
  
  
_ She was used to being alone, but not to being lonely. She had realized this when he was in prison. When he had returned to her, she had been surprised at how frail he seemed; he, the most powerful mutant alive. They had tenderly made love, and silently lain together. She had stroked his hair and thought that maybe things would be okay. But then he had said, "I'm afraid I have some bad news..."   
  
She had felt a range of emotions while he told his story-- pity for Erik, which he would have despised; relief, because he had escaped; pride, because her plan had worked (as she had known it would); but mostly rage. It was a familar emotion. Rage toward Stryker, toward the prison guards, toward humanity. He had wanted to start planning a counterattack immediately, not bothering to thank her for getting him out or to ask her how she'd been without him or even to tell her she'd missed her... _   
  
After all what was I   
really looking for and I wonder  
when will I learn   
Maybe my wish  
Knew better than I did  
and I wonder   
when will I learn  
when will I learn  
  
_ She sat up, contemplating his sleeping frame. She hated him for making her love him. Such a strange sensation. Glancing at her watch, she crept toward the door-- Senator Kelly had an early meeting this morning with a mutant rights group. She took a long look at Erik before she left; it would be, she knew, the last time she saw him for a long time.   
  
_Guess I was in  
Deeper than I thought I was  
if I have enough love  
for the both of us  
  
_ Her meeting was as boring as it ever was, but she managed to nod in all the right places and let them know that she shared their concerns. She had quickly mastered the language of politics. After they had been gently ushered out the door, she picked up the phone and called her secretary.   
  
"Didi? Could you please cancel my meetings for the rest of the day and schedule a press conference for this afternoon? Apologize for the short notice, but let them know that it's important. Thanks."   
  
Standing behind the podium, she surveyed the crowd of faces. Regardless of how the reporters felt about Senator Kelly, they all knew he was newsworthy. She smiled thinly.   
  
"Good afternoon. I'd like to thank you all for joining me here on such short notice. I'll make this brief: I'm here to publicly announce my resignation as senator, effective immediately." She paused for a moment and waited for the surprised murmuring to stop, then continued, "I have enjoyed my career in politics, and hope that I have made a difference during my time in office. However, I feel strongly that I need some time to myself before I can properly continue to fulfill my duties as senator. Thank you."   
  
She stepped off the podium and quickly exited the room before any questions could be asked. Not bothering to clean out her office, as she had kept no personal effects there save a coffee mug, she glanced around the corridor, ducked into an empty conference room, and walked back out as an unassuming blonde woman.  
  
She then took a cab downtown, cashed in an old favor, and headed to the airport with an empty suitcase and a perfect set of identification for one Karen Anne Bryson. It was a name she had chosen at random, and one which Erik would have no way of connecting with her.   
  
Not really caring where she went, as long as it was away, she purchased a one-way ticket to San Francisco. Onboard the plane, she contemplated what sort of new life she'd try on this time. Maybe a lawyer, or a model... or maybe she'd just marry rich again. On second thought, glancing at the National Enquirer her seatmate was studying reliously, the cover of which speculated that Magneto and Elvis were living together in London... she knew she'd stay single for awhile.   
  
_ so strange now I'm   
finally in the   
Party has begun  
it's not like I can't feel you still  
But strange  
what I will leave behind  
you call me one more  
time  
but now I must  
be leaving  
  
  
_   
-- _fin_


End file.
